Bored in the Cafe
by RobinIV
Summary: Self-insertion fic I wrote while bored. Various animes included.
1. I own none of the Animes mentioned

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This was an old story I found, that I admit is not very good, so please don't flame me! I just think it's fun. Thanks Cilia, for your wonderful review of YJ2! My first good review of my first story on FF.net! ^_^ that one took me months to write, so I have to come up with some more ideas for the characters, but there will definitely be more! ^_^ Without further ado…

                           BORED IN THE CAFE

                                          By Kelly M. Maraglia 

      It was a cold, dark day at Gotham State College. It was Wednesday during finals week, so the atmosphere was as gloomy as the weather. At random spots in the Commuter Cafe, students were studying for finals in a variety of subjects. One girl sat alone at a big, round table. That girl was called Keelia. 

      Keelia was studying for her final in her Social Psychology class. She knew it was a very difficult final so she was studying early. She was off to a good start but she was tired, sick, and bored. She was also lonely. She longed for her boyfriend who lived in the far off, cow-infested fields of Wisconsin. She was completely down until...

      There was an explosion in the kitchen. Lina Inverse and Gourry Gabriev ran out with bundles of food in their arms. Amelia stood on Keelia's table and started sprouting her justice speeches. Xelloss appeared behind her and pushed her down. Filia got up and whacked him with her mace. Zelgadiss Graywords and Xellass Metallium sat at the table, drinking coffee and wine respectively. Then Xelloss bumped into Lina, knocking her food to the ground. She was pissed. 

      "Dragon Slave" Lina called out and they all disappeared.

      "That was weird." Keelia said to no one in particular. Then...

      "Ranma Saotome! Prepare to meet thy doom!" Kuno yelled.

      "Ranma, you're dead!" Ryoga screamed from the other side of the cafe.

      "Nihau Ranma!" Shampoo rode in on her bike.

      "Ranma, you'll pay for taking Shampoo from me!" Mousse yelled, wielding a chain.

      "Ranma darling" Kodachi laughed loudly.

      "Ranma Honey!" Ukyo called.  

      Boy-Type Ranma stood in the middle of the cafe. He jumped and CRASH! Everyone ran into each other. Then Happosai appeared.

      "Happo-Fire Burst" He called and threw the bomb at Ranma, and then they all disappeared.

      "Odd." Keelia commented and shrugged. Then...a loud roar was heard. 

      Sesshoumaru, in his demon form, practically filled the cafe. People ran out in haste. Then a low growl was heard. Keelia's eyes diverted to a humanoid, dog-like creature that she recognized as Inu-Yasha. Kagome, Miroku, and Shippou stood behind him. Inu-Yasha drew his father's steel-cleaving fang. 

      "Good-Bye Brother!" He yelled and drove the Tetsusaiga into Sesshoumaru's gut. Then Sesshoumaru disappeared. 

      Keelia gave a standing ovation. Upon seeing her, Miroku raced to her, grasped her hands, knelt before her and asked,

      "Will you bear my child?" Then they all disappeared. 

      Keelia laughed nervously and sat down. After catching her breath and continuing her studying, napkins began to fly everywhere. 

      "Pu" She heard, startling her and causing her head to hit the table. When she looked up she was face to face with Mokona. 

      "Pu" He said again in his high pitch tone, causing Keelia to fall backwards and hit the floor. 

      "Mokona" Three girls called out. Mokona fluttered over to the red-haired girl. The girl with dirty-blond hair and glasses patted his head. Then the girl with blue hair started chasing Mokona around the cafe. Suddenly, someone held out his hand to Keelia.

      "Are you all right?" Clef asked.

      Keelia looked at the short, powerful sorcerer with nothing short of complete awe.

      "Yes I am now. Thanks." She replied.

      Just then, a monster went to attack, but it was slashed through with a sword from behind by Ferio and they all disappeared.

      "This has been one weird day" Keelia commented aloud.

      Then, a snobbish-looking blond girl pointed an accusing finger at Keelia. 

      "She's a great, big weirdo who keeps a snail in her pencil box!" Nanami accused.

      "I don't have a pencil box." Keelia stated flatly.

      "Of course not, you're far too appealing to have such an elementary thing." Touga said suavely and kissed Keelia's hand. She blushed. Then Chu Chu ran by and they all disappeared. 

      Keelia shook her head to clear it and started studying again. 

      Then she was grabbed from behind by Nakago. 

      "Taking hostages now? What a cowardly thing to do!" Tasuki sneered at him.

      "Try anything and I kill her." Nakago cautioned coldly.

      "I hate women anyway. LEKKA Shi..."

      "Oh crap!" Keelia screamed and broke out of Nakago's grasp.

      "...nen!" A burst of flames shot from Tasuki's fan but then it and the two men disappeared.

      "Phew! Maybe I should take a break from Anime." Keelia sighed.

      She thought she was safe when...

      "Oh Pretty Girl" Carrot Glace yelled and chased Keelia around the cafe, asking for a date. She hid behind Marron while Tira and Chocolate beat the tar out of Carrot. Then they all disappeared. 

      Then a monster appeared in the cafe. Suddenly, a boy with long, black hair and a spear came in riding a big, fuzzy thing. Keelia knew them to be Ushio & Tora. They killed the monster and disappeared. 

      Keelia sat back down and was joined by Captain Justy Ueki Tylor, age 20, and his crew. 

      "You study too hard. Why don't you come with us for a ride?" Tylor suggested. 

      "Well, I...um..." Keelia almost answered but everyone disappeared. 

      Then EVA 01 picked Keelia up as an angel attacked her table. Kelly was thrown across the cafe, only to fall on top of Keisuke and Toji. 

      "I wish Marcus was here!" Keelia thought, knowing her boyfriend's great love for the Evangelion series. Then EVA 02 bopped EVA 01 off the head.  

      "Okay. This is getting to be a little too fragged up." Keelia announced as the Eva characters vanished. 

      Then Ash, Misty, and Brock showed up.

      "We're looking for Team Rocket. They stole my Pikachu! Have you seen them?" Ash asked Keelia.

      "No, I haven't." She replied.

      "Ooooo, Jessie. They're looking for us!" James exclaimed in his really gay-sounding voice.

      "That's right James. It's time for the motto. Prepare for trouble." Jessie began.

      "And make it double."

      "To protect the world from devastation"

      "To unite all people within our nation"

      "To denounce the evils of truth and love"

      "To extend our reach to the stars above"

      "Jessie"

      "James"

      "Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light."

      "Surrender now or prepare to fight." 

      "Meowth, that's right!"  With the end of the motto, they all disappeared.

      Suddenly, Saitoh and Kenshin appeared and started fighting. Little by little, while fighting Saitoh, he reverted to being the Hitokiri Battosai. They suddenly stopped when they saw Keelia, avidly watching the great fight. Then Kenshin hit Saitoh off the back of the head causing Saitoh to disappear. Kaoru jumped on Kenshin from behind, knocking him over. 

      "Oro" ^_^x He exclaimed and they disappeared.

      Keelia wasn't bored anymore. She studied for her test, took it, and aced it. 

                              THE END


	2. Bored at the Office

Bored at the Office

By: Kelly M/ Arcanum

**Disclaimer: **The long-awaited sequel (that I never planned but why not?) to Bored in the Cafe. Well, I'm out of college now (for 6 years) and I'm in my career as a Licensed Mental Health Clinician. However, I still get bored when my clients don't make

Their appointments at the office so ... we have title. I own NOTHING! All anime And other references are the properties of their ingenious creators.

Keelia was so bored. She sat at the office, silently praying her 1:00pm client would show up because her last three had completely no-showed. She completely all her paperwork, made all her phone calls, ate her lunch, ate snacks, checked her voicemail and email and still nothing to do. Then suddenly...

Cherry blossom petals flooded the small team room where the clinicians waited for their clients and the Flower Card flew by. Sakura and Li followed closely behind, staff and sword brandished.

"Capture the card!" Li shouted as Sakura tripped over Keelia's giant work bag, knocked into Li and they fell to the ground. Tomoyo recorded the whole thing on a portable camera.

"Ho-e" Sakura said with swirly eyes before they all vanished.

"Oh no, if someone else pops in randomly, this could only mean one thing," Keelia commented aloud.

As if on cue, a teenage boy appeared next to her, writing in a small notebook with a black cover. The boy gave her an evil grin, tossing an apple above him. The apple disappeared into thin air. The boy took a long look at Keelia, raised his pen and was promptly trampled by a scruffy-looking boy with dark circles around his eyes. During the brawl, the boys vanished, along with the notebook.

"Phew, that was close, but it's official. This must be the sequel to Bored in the Cafe." Keelia observed with a sigh.

Then giant monsters with holes in their chests and broken chains hanging out of them appeared. One was promptly slashed and the other disappeared in a flash of white light.

"I got 25" a boy in black robes, sporting bright orange hair yelled.

"So have I" another boy, dressed all in white and constantly fixing his glasses also confirmed.

As the boys argued, a young woman in a gray school uniform held up a juice box with a straw to Keelia. The therapist smiled, put the straw into Rukia's juice box, handed it back to her and then they all vanished.

Her attention was directed to a boy with green hair picking through the trash barrel. He found the plastic spoon Keelia used to eat her soup and crushed it in his hand. From the soup spoon formed a beautiful, mini bonsai tree which Ueki handed to Keelia with a smile before vanishing.

"That's sweet. I wonder how the Red Sox are playing right now." Keelia asked aloud.

"I saw them play once. They're a great team." A gentleman in a light brown military uniform mentioned as he took the seat beside Keelia.

"Hooray a baseball fan, it's a great sport isn't it?" A young boy with black hair and eyes said excitedly and joined the two adults in their discussion.

"Are you talking to my husband? Well, are you wench?" A boy with blond hair, wearing a blue uniform pointed a sword at Keelia's nose.

"Calm down Wolfram, we're just talking baseball!" Yuri got up, blocking the sword and Wolfram's usual, unfounded jealousy.

"First off Wolfy, I'm married myself." Keelia replied, holding up her left hand to show the wedding band and engagement ring there.

"Secondly, I have always wanted to tell you directly what a PISSANT you are!" Keelia said, standing up and crossing her arms with a smirk on her face.

"Why you..." Wolfram started but did not finish because they all disappeared.

"That was fun," She commented aloud.

"It would have been more fun if we had Pizza Hut. Order me some Lelouche." A short, green-haired girl demanded of a taller boy wearing a black cloak and holding a black helmet in his hand.

"I will have this woman order it for us." He stated, flipping hair dramatically with his hand as he attempted to look at Keelia with his Geass.

"Nice try Zero, but no Geass could get Pizza Hut here because there are none in this city. I could recommend Panorama." Keelia said with her eyes clamped shut.

"No Pizza Hut? No!" Cici screamed and they vanished.

"Oh, pretty lady, how about a kiss!" A goofy-looking man Keelia recognized as Lupin III jumped at her.

"Eep," she exclaimed and managed to dodge. He hit the countertop and vanished.

"This room is depressingly small." A boy with black spiky hair and red eyes remarked.

"Indeed. It is pathetic, even for a human workplace." A short demon with black spike hair and red eyes commented.

"Woman, how can a respectful warrior fight in a place so small?" A short alien with black, spiky hair and dark eyes complained loudly.

"Well, actually my triad of characters with black spike hair and horrible childhoods, this is not a place of fighting. It is a place of healing. So Sasuke, Hiei, Prince Vegeta - would any of you like to make an appointment?"

All three promptly vanished.

"It's a damn shame that many who could benefit from therapy do not seek it." Keelia sighed aloud.

"He needs therapy because he doesn't speak up for himself!" A loud young woman in a red plugsuit yelled and pointed toward a teenage boy in a blue plugsuit.

"You need therapy too because you have Mommy issues!" Shinji yelled back.

"And you don't?" Asuka argued.

"Shinji, Asuka calm down. Sometimes it's easy to see hell in others when you've been there yourselves, right?" Keelia said in a calming tone.

The two looked at each other dumbfounded before vanishing. Keelia started thinking the story was over when ...

"Excuse me young lady, could you show me your panties?" Brook asked Keelia as he popped out of nowhere.

"Don't ask this beautiful woman that question." Sanji defended Keelia while handing her a cup of tea.

"I want meat!" Luffy demanded.

"This room isn't big enough for training." Zoro commented.

"Don't worry, Zoro-san, I do my training at home." Keelia piped up and then they all vanished.

"Hmm...kinda short for One Piece. Oh well." She commented with a shrug.

Then Elemental Hero Avion sent wind blowing into the room sending client paperwork everywhere.

"Oops, I guess that was too much. Oh well, who cares as long as it's fun, right?" Jaden Yuki followed his Duel Monster feeling no remorse whatsoever at the mess he made.

"Ahem, please use him. I'm ashamed that he's my successor. At least Yusei has potential and don't ask me about the new one." A teen with wild, multi-colored spike hair that Keelia recognized as Yugi sighed and handed her a card. Keelia looked at it with a smile.

"I summon Dark Magician!" she called out as the purple-clothed and haired magician appeared in the room.

"Hey can we talk about this?" Jaden said nervously.

"Dark Magician, attack his Elemental Hero Avion. Dark Magic Attack!" Keelia ordered. With that, the Dark Magician blasted the weaker monster and they all vanished.

"Are we done yet?" Keelia asked aloud to the now empty room.

"Almost Keelia-san, your favorites are here." Xelloss Metallium narrowly avoided Filia hitting him in the head with her mace as the Slayers crew appeared in the Team Room, Apparently, Lina and Gourry had used Amelia's credit to clean out the coffee shop connected to the building. Zelgadiss handed Keelia a yummy coffee coolatta and they celebrated the end of the story with coffee and donuts.

THE END


End file.
